As society evolves, our understanding of gender identity continues to grow. This is an area that touches every family, particularly in relation to children. With children forming their sense of self earlier than many parents realize, it’s vital to nurture curiosity and foster acceptance.
In this insightful interview, Dr. Shefali Batra—a renowned Senior Psychiatrist, Child Development Consultant, and author of the book Why Do I Feel So Sad?—provides clarity on the complexities of gender identity in children. She helps parents navigate challenges and create a safe space for their children to thrive by emphasizing open communication, acceptance, and compassion.
Gender identity and its disorder: How much do we know?
“Are you a boy or girl?”
That sounds like a simple question. However, it may not be as straightforward as most of us believe. When a child is born with male sexual organs, we label that child as male, and the same applies for females. But concepts like gender, gender expression, and gender identity have gained much attention recently. Do we fully understand these terms? How do we interpret the pronouns we see in various contexts today?
What is the difference between gender identity, gender expression, and biological sex? Gender 101: Know the nomenclature
Biological gender, or sex, refers to the structural and functional characteristics that define male and female bodies. Typically, two X chromosomes represent a biologically female gender, while an XY chromosomal set indicates a biologically male gender. This biological definition is established at birth.
Gender identity refers to how a person identifies. It often aligns with biological gender at birth. For instance, a child born with male sex organs usually identifies as a boy. However, gender identity is influenced by biological factors, social interactions, and personal perceptions of the world.
Gender expression is how individuals communicate their gender through behavior, appearance, and interests. For example, a girl who enjoys sports and dresses in a masculine way may express her gender differently than typical societal norms.
Gender dysphoria encompasses feelings of dissatisfaction and discomfort when a person’s gender identity does not match their biological sex assigned at birth. Children may express a different gender identity, which can lead to distress if societal expectations are not met.
Understanding gender identity in children is essential for supporting their development.
How does gender identity develop in children?
Infants learn about gender by observing caregivers and their environment. By their first birthday, they can differentiate faces by gender. By their second birthday, children can sort objects into gender-typed categories, and by their third birthday, they have a clear understanding of their own gender.
This understanding is influenced by social norms, leading children to adopt behaviors expected of their assigned gender.
With this social influence, the child learns and understands that he or she is a boy or girl respectively and that he or she should adopt the role of a boy or girl and behave in accordance. With this in place, a child develops a fixated gender identity by the age of four years. In fact, this becomes so rigid by the age of five to the extent that children notice deviations from what they have imbibed when they see someone else wear or behave in a manner different from what they believe. A blend of their genetic makeup and environmental learning thus determines a child’s gender identity.
What could go wrong in gender identity development?
Sex hormones actively trigger biological sex development soon after birth. But sometimes due to genetic causes like excess opposite gender hormones, deficient biological gender hormones, or reduced sensitivity to the concordant hormones; these may not function accurately in the brain, genitals, or reproductive organs. This could confuse the growing child because the anticipated sexual characteristics would be missing, and such a child may find it difficult to conform to other children of the same gender since he or she is “different” from them. Even in the absence of such genetic aberrations, some parents who encourage cross-gender dressing and behaviors could potentially “confuse” the child’s brain and program it to prefer the gender opposite to what was determined at birth. Such children begin to feel frustrated with their assigned biological sex, want to get rid of their sex organs, crave to behave like the opposite gender and develop personalities like them. A female child in such a case, is likely to say, “I am a boy trapped inside the body of a girl. I want to become a boy. That is who I was born to be!”
How can a parent better understand their child’s gender identity and their experiences?
Understand and encourage your child’s gender experiences
Your children are more curious than you imagine them to be. Don’t assume that they know everything and have all the answers about their own gender identity as well as that of others. They explore literally everything when they are kids, and they need you to support their curiosity. The trouble with many parents is that they dismiss their children’s inquisitive questions and lose out on the opportunity to understand how their children think and feel. Talk to your child about their gender. Ask them how they feel about other boys and girls in the neighborhood or classroom for example. If you notice your little daughter wanting to play only with boys on the sports ground, she could simply be a sporty girl; or she may be identifying with the boys more than a typical girl with a female gender identity would. If your child sees someone on the street or market who is dressed as an opposite gender (transgender) and asks you, or jokes about it; use the opportunity to speak about gender identity with them. If you ever catch your child dressing as the opposite gender (many children secretly wear clothes of their opposite gender parent or sibling if they identify with them) do not shun them angrily; instead, talk to them about it. The more you talk, the more your children will express, and you’ll be in a better position to educate, inform and guide them.
How to Support a Child Exploring Their Gender Identity
Encouraging open conversations about gender can help children express their feelings and experiences.
What are the most effective ways to support a child exploring their gender identity?
Support your child exploring their gender identity in children: No matter what
Your children are human beings before they are boys and girls. Even the United Nations asserts an equality and non-discrimination guarantee to everyone irrespective of sex, sexual orientation and gender identity. The world is more diverse than it has ever been, so remember to support your children even if you aren’t always in agreement with them, let your love be greater than your ideals. As parents, the least we can do is support our children to be the best version of themselves and allow them to blossom in any form they choose to express their gender. If there is anxiety, distress and dysphoria; professional help is available. Do not hesitate to reach out.
Parenting in today’s world requires openness, empathy, and an eagerness to understand the diverse experiences of our children. As Dr. Batra highlights, fostering curiosity and providing unconditional love is crucial to raising confident and well-adjusted individuals. If your child expresses concerns about their gender or struggles with dysphoria, remember that professional support is available to guide you both through this journey.
Let’s create a world where every child feels empowered to embrace their true self, knowing they are loved and supported unconditionally.
For more information or to schedule an appointment, visit http://www.drshefalibatra.com